So i have a disease. It's called I don't think before I speak/React. I knew this was something that would plague my relationships, but it became even more real once I got married. I realize that I have this problem and I can come up with a thousand ways to avoid verbal vomit. But then my question is, "How the hell do I just shut my mouth!!". I wish that question had a simple answer. Every situation is different as well as the emotions that run in them. With that in mind, I feel like there are bombs in boxes all around me and I have the choice in every situation to diffuse the bomb, or ignite it. The problem however, is the bomb going off isn't always up to me. Sometimes you have an accomplice that lends a helping hand by pushing the button on the top of the bomb. This person could be my wife, extended family, friends, classmates etc. So sometimes I feel like the bomb going off is inevitable. But is it really? I know that if I were able to find the strength to tear myself away from any situation that I could see an explosion, I would save myself and those around me. Is it possible that there's always one person that regulates the emotional level of the conflict? Is it possible that there's that one person that decides the outcome of the situation before you arrive? I'm starting to think there is. I know that in the heat of the moment when Kate and I are engaged in a "Squabble" that instead of me waiting for her to make the move, I could make the move and control the situation. Now I don't mean control her, I mean control the emotional make up of the discussion. And making the decision to be in control from the very beginning is most important. I'm emotional. When I get excited it's like throwing bombs into a volcano. I can't allow myself to explode and kill everyone in Manhattan (Heroes Refference...Anyone...ANYONE??!). Well I guess I should have a go at this. Maybe it will work, maybe it wont. I'll let ya know how it all plays out!
2 comments:
I like your post-- it's very honest and open, and I appreciate that!
I think that the key is to see the bombs before they go off, and try to avoid them completely. There's a reason you're in an argument in the first place, so the bombs are going to be pushed that much closer to you, possibly be ignited by someone else. You just have to learn to avoid them when that happens. Buttons will be pushed, feelings will get hurt; you can only take responsibility for yourself and the actions you take and the emotions you express. The key is to work at being in the mental state that you can see what is happening and calm yourself down, walk away from the situation, or handle the situation differently.
Although you are emotional, it doesn't mean your emotions should have control of you-- you need to control your emotions. Letting the bomb go off is letting them take control of you. Sometimes the bombs are mines, that you can't see coming at you, and they just explode and it's a disaster... life happens. But the key is to diffuse the bombs you can see or throw them out of the way and let your stable emotions take over, instead of your dramatic ones.
You're doing a good job working on this. It's easier said than done, but talking about it, admitting it, and processing it are all important to changing things.
Thanks Wife.... :)
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